Ten Things that piss Me Off About Gaming

I love games. Been playing for 30 years, am a games journo (for mags like GamesTM, 300-Gamer and more) and consider gaming a big part of my life. But still, there are some sides of gaming that I simply cannot stand. So, here they are, the top 10 things about gaming that piss me off.

The Ten Things That Piss Me Off About Gaming

1)      “Yo, it’s Yo BOI”: Oh my god. The amount of kids on youtube who start a video by trying to sound gangster (wait what’s the cool way to spell that  . .. GANGSTA, right?). .  .anyway, most videos for Call of Duty or Battlefield 3 start with some kid trying to act like a gangsta. Dude, little kid, yeah you on your webcam: you’re a geek, like the rest of us. Deal with it.

2)      Sequels like there’s not tomorrow: Obviously, games companies love money. Who doesn’t? But the gaming world does not need Super Duper Mega Fighter 4.5 Plus Alpha Minus Who Give A Damn.  Sometimes, you could swear you can actually feel publishers peeing on you.

3)      Publicity Stupidity: Games companies will pretty much resort to anything in order to gain publicity. The most recent incident was Hitman Absolution’s nun trailer.  .. actually, the nun trailer wasn’t that bad, not compared to Dante’s Inferno’s E3 religious blunder or Madworld’s limbs (they actually left limbs scattered aroundLondon). Maybe it’s true that no publicity is bad publicity., but hell, being a douche is still being a douche.

4)      I have TITS: Tits are a good thing. A very good thing. But when they’re used on youtube just to get some kid to click your stupid video. .. well, you’re basically just a skank.

5)      I have TITS and I like games, HONEST! : What makes youtube tits even worse is when a girl who clearly knows nothing about a game tries to act like she does. Seriously, who the hell is dumb enough to believe that this mass influx of big boobed women on youtube actually like games?! Note: of course, we welcome women who genuinely are into games and genuinely want to make valid commentary / journalism. . that’s a different story.

6)       DLC: Apparently you kids have enough money to pay to have a character wear a slightly different costume. . . . In my day I had to walk twenty miles in the rain to the nearest grocery store to get my hands on half a gummi bear. All right, I didn’t, but that’s not the point. Shut up.

7)      Inbox Rage: Look, dude, I’m sorry that when I’m playing SF4 I can sit camping for the whole game while you consistently jump into an uppercut. I’m not a “Camping f**k faced c**k licking lag spamming mother f***ing s**t **** **** **** f** you.” I’m actually quite offended that you would call me that. It hurts me, right in the gonads.

8)      Virtual T n A: okay so this one won’t sit well with a lot of people. But who the heck above the age of, what, fourteen, thinks that polygonal T n A is actually that important?! She’s just a bunch of code. .  . and I thought I was weird when I had that crush on big poppa Smurf. . . SHAME ON YOU!

9)      Pre-Order Ten Months in Advance: I’m fairly certain that the exact same people who paid for Assassin’s Creed 3 wayyyy in advance (as well as Crytek 3, Beyond: Two souls an more) are the exact same people who fail to pay the rent on time.  You don’t need to pay for a game twenty million years before it’s released. Buy something which exists now. Then you can play it n stuff. Nice one.

10)  Paul Harrison of ARoleModel.com <————- stupid publicity stunt.