Total Recall Review: Random, Pointless, kinda Pants

To review Total Recall without simply laughing repeatedly is a tremendous challenge. After all, this movie is hilariously ridiculous. Through the way in which it jumps from one scene to the next with no connection whatsoever, Total Recall almost seems to be insulting basic human logic. I actually almost cannot be bothered to write this review. . .  .but I will, because now that I think about it I enjoy deriding shite movies.

 

So, what’s so wrong with Total Recall?

The basic premise is a sounds one. Total Recall nabs Philip K Dick’s original story and ignores a lot of the 1990’s adaptation (though the woman with three boobs is naturally still there). So it is that the story takes place in a future where chemical warfare has ruined most of the world. What remains isBritainandAustralia.

Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) is in charge ofBritainand wants to invadeAustralia, the naughty boy. And he’s only gone and got himself a bunch of robot soldiers to do it with.
So that’s the basic set-up. From there on in its pretty much a case of random shit getting blown to smithereens with okay but rather boring special effects. The pretty people (Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel and Colin Farrell) get in a bit of a cufuddle over who is prettiest and who loves who (it’s this whjole big and ultimately pointless thing) and it concludes with you scratching your head and wishing youd just stayed faithful to Arnold Schwarzeneger.

Pretty people. Shite movie. And after watching it, you really will want your memory erased.

Total Recall Overall: 1 out of 5 .  . .? meh, let’s give em 1.5 / 5, if only for that three boobed character.